Hayden

Blogger

Yammer's shortest blogger. Football and Fantasy Content. Thinks shortness is a competition. Doesn't know how to dress himself properly.

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Props to Willian

Hayden

Sep 2, 20211 min read

Manchester United ANNIHILATED by Liverpool

Well that was fun. Seriously fun. As in, quite literally skipping around the house at 5am fun. Manchester United nil, Liverpool FIVE....

Hayden

Oct 25, 20213 min read

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Props to Willian

Brazilian winger Willian has just walked away from Arsenal, mutually terminating his contract with the club. And I think he should be...

Hayden

Sep 2, 20211 min read

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Well Done to La Liga

After the press conferences of the last couple of days, by Barcelona president Joan Laporta and by the man himself, there is no doubt...

Hayden

Aug 9, 20212 min read

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Racist Abuse of Rashford & Co. by England “Fans” Disgraceful, But Not Surprising

After missing their penalties in England’s shootout defeat to Italy in the Euro 2020 final Marcus Rashford, Jadon Sancho and Bukayo Saka...

Hayden

Jul 14, 20212 min read

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Turns Out I Was Right About England After All

With Italy’s victory on penalties (3-2 after a 1-1 draw) over England this morning, Euro 2020 drew to a close. The Italians are deserving...

Hayden

Jul 12, 20213 min read

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I Don’t Usually Go For Omens, But…

Commentators trot out a lot of nonsense. Like, a lot. A staggering, astounding, mind-blowing amount of nonsense. The England’s 2-1...

Hayden

Jul 9, 20212 min read

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Soooooo… England. They Look Threatening

With last night’s two games they Euros Round of 16 wrapped up, with England beating Germany and Ukraine edging Sweden to advance to the...

Hayden

Jul 1, 20212 min read

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Contrary to Recent Reports, There Will Be No Snow Next Week

Weather forecasters have today declared the possibility of snow in Christchurch next week: “Starting Monday morning, up to 10 centimetres...

Hayden

Jun 23, 20211 min read

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Now This is Cool: Football's Unofficial World Championship

I’ve just stumbled across a real gem of the footballing world: The Unofficial Football World Championship. It’s brilliant, allow me to...

Hayden

Jun 21, 20212 min read

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What the Hell is Happening at Tottenham?

Eighteen months ago they sacked Mauricio Pochettino, the club’s best manager in decades, hired the anti-football Jose Mourinho in a move...

Hayden

Jun 18, 20213 min read

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Failure Awaits England at the Euros

Sigh. It’s happening again. Once again a major tournament has rolled around, and once again England fans are optimistic that “it’s coming...

Hayden

Jun 14, 20212 min read

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Well, I Was Wrong … And I’m Bloody Ecstatic About It

A couple of weeks ago I posted this, conceding defeat to Leicester City in the race for the top four. There was, I reasoned, now way that...

Hayden

May 24, 20212 min read

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The Superior Version of Return of the Jedi

I give you fair warning: there are SPOILERS AHEAD. MASSIVE ONES. George Lucas likes to make changes, there can be no argument about that....

Hayden

May 17, 20212 min read

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Congratulations to Man City and Leicester

Today’s 2-1 win for Leicester over Manchester United confirmed two things: Manchester City are champions once again, and Leicester will...

Hayden

May 12, 20211 min read

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Jose Mourinho is Back.

Well bugger me sideways. Jose Mourinho is back in a job. Seriously, straight back in a job. It’s amazing. Just two weeks ago he was...

Hayden

May 5, 20212 min read

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I Support the Anti-Glazer Protests – But They Were a Pain in the Ass

This morning Manchester United vs Liverpool was postponed due to fan protests against the Glazer family – Manchester United’s owners –...

Hayden

May 3, 20211 min read

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Why I’m Cheering for PSG in the Champions League Semis

Real Madrid. Chelsea. Manchester City. Paris Saint-Germain. These are the four teams that remain standing in the UEFA Champions League....

Hayden

Apr 28, 20212 min read

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Why the European Super League Plans Were So Appalling, and so Hated

It occurs to me that due to how satisfyingly short-lived (48 hours) the proposed European Super League was, I never actually explained...

Hayden

Apr 21, 20213 min read

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Message Received: There Will Be No Super League

The proposed European Super League collapsed like a house of cards early this morning. It was, ironically, Chelsea and Manchester City...

Hayden

Apr 21, 20211 min read

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The European Super League: Twelve Greedy Clubs and the Need to Teach Them A Lesson

I already knew that the big clubs were greedy, but even so; holy hell the big clubs are amazingly greedy. Today, on the eve of UEFA...

Hayden

Apr 19, 20213 min read

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Newcastle are a Really Weird Team

Daylight Savings has been a real pain in the ass. I don’t like it being dark by 6pm and I don’t care if it’s light in the morning – I’m...

Hayden

Apr 18, 20212 min read

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Ole Gunner Solskjaer is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT Right about Son’s Cheating

Today’s Premier League action saw Newcastle move six points clear of the drop zone and West Ham – against all expectations at the start...

Hayden

Apr 12, 20212 min read

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Rematch Time for Man United, Liverpool

This weekend’s Premier League fixtures are the return games of matchweek four. Sorry, that isn’t actually very helpful. I need to provide...

Hayden

Apr 10, 20212 min read

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I'm Back, and Nothing Has Changed

Well, I’m back from holiday, and clearly nothing has changed in my absence. Really, almost literally nothing. I’ve been gone for almost...

Hayden

Apr 9, 20211 min read

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I’m Going on Break

Well, yesterday’s post was my last (except, obviously, this one) for a couple of weeks. I’ve got essays to write, and then I’m going away...

Hayden

Mar 27, 20211 min read

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Bill Shankly Was Right About Referees. Part Two: VAR Offside

A couple of weeks ago I published a piece about Bill Shankly’s views on referees, and how they still hold true to this day even after all...

Hayden

Mar 26, 20213 min read

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The Lovren Report

Dejan Lovren just loves to make a show of himself. I mean, I though we’d seen the worst of it when he proclaimed himself to be “one of...

Hayden

Mar 24, 20211 min read

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Chaos Walking: A Good, Entertaining Film

Last weekend I did something I hadn’t in … years? I went to the movies. The film I saw was Chaos Walking, the onscreen adaption of the...

Hayden

Mar 20, 20212 min read

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Laziness, Rani. That’s Why.

Rani posted this yesterday. It’s a pretty good summary of my final America’s Cup piece actually, and you should read it to fully get what...

Hayden

Mar 18, 20212 min read

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It’s Over. It’s Finally Over

It’s gone. It’s done. The America’s Cup is finally complete. It has taken (at least four) months, but it’s finally done. In the aftermath...

Hayden

Mar 17, 20211 min read

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Rani, Kindly Go and F*ck Yourself

You just can't please some people. They delegate you a job (that you never asked for and don’t want), you give them exactly what they...

Hayden

Mar 16, 20212 min read

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A Day of Shenanigans in the America’s Cup

Yesterday there were no races in the America’s Cup because there wasn’t enough wind (ought to have had the oars in my opinion)...

Hayden

Mar 15, 20212 min read

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Sacking Chris Wilder is an Absolute Disgrace

I think football’s sacking culture has reached a new low. I mean, I wasn’t happy with the sackings of Slaven Bilic or Frank Lampard...

Hayden

Mar 14, 20212 min read

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What Can I Say? I’m on a Roll

Apparently the General is surprised by the fact that I’ve been doing my job properly and “reporting” on something that I was told to....

Hayden

Mar 14, 20212 min read

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The America’s Cup: Day Two Roundup

They did some more racing today apparently. After a false start due to a spectator (read: rich asshole) floating absentmindedly onto the...

Hayden

Mar 12, 20212 min read

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Yammer House’s America’s Cup Coverage Begins

As I was walking through university today, I ran into The General. Things, I thought, could not get any worse. He proved me wrong...

Hayden

Mar 12, 20212 min read

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Bill Shankly Was Right About Referees. Part One: Handball

Legendary Liverpool manager Bill Shankly once said that “the trouble with referees is that they know the rules, but they do not know the...

Hayden

Mar 10, 20212 min read

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Now I'm Panicking

In mid-January I wrote this piece about Liverpool’s recent struggles, calling for calm. Six weeks later though my confidence in Liverpool...

Hayden

Mar 6, 20213 min read

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Reylo Haters - A People in Denial

Definition: The term ‘Reylo’ refers to the romantic relationship between Rey and Kylo Ren in the Star Wars sequel trilogy. I feel like...

Hayden

Mar 4, 20212 min read

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Sportspeople These Days...

I just walked into the lounge as my Dad was watching the news, and it happened to be the sports section. In addition to seeing that the...

Hayden

Feb 26, 20211 min read

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The Week That Changed the Relegation Battle

What a week Fulham have just had. Having previously been cursed by a seemingly interminable run of draws, the Cottagers have pulls two...

Hayden

Feb 24, 20212 min read

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Liverpool Are Cursed

Oh God. Oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God. This is just unbelievable. Jordan sodding Henderson has just trudged off the...

Hayden

Feb 21, 20211 min read

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Neymar is Ready for Carnival

It’s that time of year again. The Champions League knockouts have come around, and the world’s best players are gearing up to compete in...

Hayden

Feb 12, 20212 min read

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IT’S OVER!!!

And so it is confirmed: the Premier League title race is over. Finished. Done and dusted. The fat lady has sung, and the trophy will be...

Hayden

Feb 8, 20212 min read

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Jose Should Have Shut Up

"I don't think it's very difficult to coach at Chelsea," said Tottenham manager Jose Mourinho before his side’s game against Chelsea on...

Hayden

Feb 6, 20211 min read

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The General is Ignorant, But Correct

Earlier today the General sent me this: It is, he claims, proof that Liverpool are terrible. It is a nonsense argument, made by one who...

Hayden

Feb 5, 20212 min read

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Replacing Frank Lampard – Two Poor Decisions in One

Patience is a quality that is somewhat lacking in modern football – that is to say, it is almost non-existent. A bad couple of weeks and...

Hayden

Jan 26, 20212 min read

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Screw the Yachting

I, for one, do not give two shits about the America’s Cup. It’s a boring-ass rich man’s sport being paid for by the taxpayer for some...

Hayden

Jan 23, 20212 min read

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People Need to Stop Panicking, and Stop Blaming Mohamed Salah

I would be lying if I said that Liverpool had been playing well recently, they haven’t. They have been abysmal. Appalling. Atrocious....

Hayden

Jan 20, 20212 min read

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My First (and probably last) Movie Review

First, a piece of public service. Only scroll this page down as far as necessary to read each bit of it. There's a GIF near the bottom...

Hayden

Jan 18, 20212 min read

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