Soooooo… England. They Look Threatening

With last night’s two games they Euros Round of 16 wrapped up, with England beating Germany and Ukraine edging Sweden to advance to the quarters. They join there Spain, who beat Croatia 5-3 in an instantly classic match, Switzerland, who knocked out world champions and pre-tournament favourites France on penalties after a 3-3 draw, and the Czech Republic, who eliminated the Netherlands, plus Italy, Belgium, and Denmark.

For the quarter finals that gives us Italy vs Belgium, Spain vs Switzerland, England vs Ukraine, and Denmark vs Czech Republic.

And that leaves England suddenly odds-on to make the final which would, er, rather make a mockery of my pre-tournament description of them as destined for failure. Oops.

Harry Kane and Raheem Sterling got the goals as England eliminated their old nemesis at Wembley

They way I see it, they should beat Ukraine pretty easily, because Ukraine are pretty dreadful. As Austria demonstrated in their Group C meeting a week or so back, you can shut Ukraine down simply by marking Andriy Yarmolenko (who, by the way, is the most embarrassingly one-footed professional footballer I have ever seen) out of the game. As one of the “best” (read: not one of the two worst) third-placed teams they got out of their group by sheer good fortune, and never would have beaten Sweden but for the Swedes’ having a man sent off. England ought to sweep them aside.

Then they would face the winner of Denmark vs Czech Republic. The latter of these they already beat fairly easily when they met in the group stage, while the Danes would surely be running out of puff come the semi-final. Shorn of star player Christian Eriksen by his horrifying on-pitch cardiac arrest in their first game of the tournament, Denmark’s superb performances to get this far against Belgium, Russia and Wales have been driven entirely by emotion and sheer, astonishing force of will. I’m not sure how long anyone can keep that up.

Victory there would put England in their first final in 55 years.

Maybe Gareth Southgate does have a clue after all

As good as they’re looking though, I can’t in good conscience start rooting for them. Why? Because of the English fans. They’re just awful. I was just about getting behind the team in the closing stages of the Germany game but then they panned around Wembley after the final whistle and all the Poms in the stands were singing “It’s Coming Home”.

Arrogant pricks.