Sigh. It’s happening again. Once again a major tournament has rolled around, and once again England fans are optimistic that “it’s coming home”. I have no idea why. Failure is what England do at tournaments, and it’s all they know how to do. Every two years without fail, since they won the World Cup in 1966, England have flopped at either the World Cup or the Euros. It does not change, and it will not change – it’s what England do.
Even aside from this culture of failure, though, England have two major problems: the players and the manager.
The squad are nowhere near as good as England’s loyalists make out. That’s not to say they don’t have many good players. Even aside from Harry Kane, England’s talisman and captain who cannot speak English, the Poms have Phil Foden, Mason Mount, Jadon Sancho, Jack Grealish etc. to choose from. They have Liverpool captain Jordan Henderson, and Champions League-winning fullbacks in Recce James and Ben Chilwell. Good players all.
What England so not have is a solid central defence. Their best option there, the cubeheaded and bang average at the best of times Harry Maguire, is only half fit, John Stones is as dodgy as anything without a world class partner, and Tyrone Mings is an accident waiting to happen who beat Lewis Dunk and James Tarkowski into the England squad based on … God knows what. Oh, and behind whichever of those abysmal options are chosen to play will be T-Rex arms himself, Jordan Pickford. England have, in short, no chance of keeping the goals out.
Then there’s the matter of Gareth Southgate, England’s manager. A glorified PE teacher, his managerial resume prior to the England job featured relegation with Middlesbrough, who then sacked him, and a few years in charge of England U21s. Nothing else.
In picking a massive provisional squad, and then four right-backs in the final squad seemingly solely due to media interest in whether Trent Alexander-Arnold would be on the plane, Southgate has demonstrated that he is clueless as to what his best side is and what he wants from it. Plus, I’ve just seen his starting XI for their opening game against Croatia. Right-back Kieran Trippier is at left back, despite the presence of two actual left-backs in the squad in Ben Chilwell and Luke Shaw, and Raheem Sterling is starting over Jack Grealish - in my view England’s best player aside from Kane himself. Bonkers.
So when I hear “it’s coming home”, I say “piss off, no chance”.
They’ll get out the group without difficulty, but fold the moment they come up against anyone half decent.
