As I was walking through university today, I ran into The General. Things, I thought, could not get any worse. He proved me wrong immediately though, by hitting me with the delightful piece of news that I will be covering the America’s Cup for Yammer House.
The main (well, actually the only) reason for this is a piece which I posted during the earlier stages of the tournament (apparently, it was called the PRADA Cup at that point), in which I laid out my absolute disdain for all things yachting. In short, I hate the America’s Cup.
And now I have to write about it on a regular basis. Thanks for that Rani, you colossal asshole.
Now, as I have already said, I basically don’t give a shit about the America’s Cup and I’m only going to be posting about it because the boss-man decided to be an asshole and take a gigantic dump on my head. Unlike many other Yammer bloggers past and present, however, I’ll at least do that job properly.
A summary of the tournament:
Team New Zealand (sponsored by the oil sheikhs of the United Arab Emirates) are racing for the trophy against the Italians (sponsored by PRADA, Pirelli, or possibly both. It’s hard to say).
There are thirteen races in total, which effectively makes it first to seven wins is the winner.
The first two races were earlier this week sometime, maybe on Tuesday or Wednesday (I don’t care which).
On whichever day it was, each team won one race.
It will therefore probably drag on. And on. And on.
The final race (if it is needed) will not be until the 17th of March.
That’s almost a week away.
The worst-case scenario, in my view, is a 7-6 Italian victory. The next worst, a 7-6 New Zealand victory (note here that I’m not completely unpatriotic, just mostly). Then a 7-5 Italian victory, and so on in that alternating order. Basically, the longer it is dragged out the more I will hate it, although if it’s to be long than I hope New Zealand do at least win.
A much better scenario is that one team suddenly begins to dominate the other and reaches the required 7 wins without any messing about; six straight wins for either side would do it. Again, I’d prefer that it be New Zealand, but if it must be the Italians to get the tournament done ASAP then so be it.
The best version of the tournament (for me) though would be a repeat of the American Magic incident from earlier in the tournament, when they capsized their “boat” (I don't really consider them boats, you see) so well that it almost sank. The damage sustained made all their subsequent races but a formality, and so ended that stage of the tournament quickly.
This time, though, I want to see one of the boats actually sink. Hell, I’d like them to collide and go down simultaneously.
That would send them all scuttling home with their tails between their legs, and I wouldn’t have to hear about the America’s Cup for another four years.
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